Ego

I began to hate myself for believing that i am less than what i am,that i needed to change.
I hate myself for easily easily led, to diminish my self-worth and letting them destroy my confidence.

Yes, i have an ego problem.

And so do the rest of the world who believed in themselves.
After all, what is life if i had to keep changing myself
so as to meet other people's expectation of me?
Especially for something so trivial, so shallow.

How can i believe that this is "good" for me
when it had only made me see how "imperfect" i am
and hence, would need to be "improved" upon.

Yes, i have an ego problem.

I did not used to believe that i need to make myself unhappy
and mould myself into something else to make others happy.
Others i do not know, others i do not care about.

Yes, i have an ego problem.

As i do not change enough for the people that i love.
So as to make them happy.
Happy that i will be able to fit into other people's mould.
Happy that i will be able to save their faces.

People whom i love would love to change me
so that they can feel happy infront of others.
Others i do not know, others i do not care about.

So yes, I have an ego problem.

But it was not big enough
to stop me from believing in this propaganda.
Not big enough to make me stand up for myself and defend my dignity.
Not big enough to keep my self-confidence.
Not big enough to stop insecurity from seeping in.
Not big enough to stop myself for trying.
Not big enough to say "enough!"

Till finally.

Now i hate myself for trying,
at the expenses of my self-worth, self-esteem.
And i hate the people who would sacrifice me
to make others i do not know, others i do not care about,
happy.

Yes, I have an ego problem.

"Why don't you try?"
But i did.
Yet, would you have accepted failure?